What Should I Be? (Part 1: Doctor?)

First of all, this post and a few posts coming up with a related theme is inspired by my best friend, Amira. I got inspired by her posts about her dreams that she wants to pursue so I decided to make posts like that too. The reasons are... first, I feel like.. I need to let it out of my brain because it's been inside my head since God knows when and I can't let it hang there everyday, it could make my crazy. Second, maybe if I write and post about it, I could sort some things out and make up my mind about everything. Maybe I could think about everything more clearly and maybe I could get some more inspirations. Anyway, all credit of the theme of this post goes to the amazing Amira Nadia Sawitri who's been my best friend since Grade 1. Love you, bestie! <3 p="p">
So, here it is!

I'm a junior now in high school and I know what it means... I have to think about what college I want to go in the future, what I want to be in the future... basically every little thing that involves around college-talk. I used to have this talk like every night with my family but the more they bring up this subject every time we talk, the more I want to sit in the corner and just disappear from this world. I used to have everything I wanted clear inside my head, but now, I don't. Now, things like that get blurry. It's like the more I know about something that involves around college, the more I'm confused about what I should be in the future.

When I was still a kid, I wanted to be a doctor so bad. Well, I think that happens to everyone, doesn't it? Everyone when they're still a kid always dreams of being a doctor. But it changed when they get older. Well that doesn't change for me until I was a freshman in high school. I continued to dream of becoming a doctor, but it got harder everyday. I know that if I want to be a doctor, I should at least be 'friends' with Biology which is totally not my thing. I used to force myself to like Biology but it didn't work. I studied very hard when the exam came but still I got bad scores haha.

I used to work very hard for my Dad's sake because he's been telling me to not give up easily and motivated me but that didn't work. He kept telling me to not give up easily and to work harder than I already was. And I did it. I did it for him, Mom, my brother, and people around me. But somehow it didn't work for me, even after I used my family to be my motivation. Gosh. What happened to me?

In the end, I slowly stopped dreaming of becoming a doctor because I realize I'm not good enough to be one of them. Maybe, God has another plan for me and me becoming a doctor isn't one of His lists. Well, I had tried and worked very hard for it, right? I mean, it's not like I didn't do anything at all to pursue that. So I think, becoming a doctor isn't the thing I want to be in the future anymore.