Bangkai

Sepandai-pandainya orang menyimpan bangkai, pasti akan ketauan juga.

Setiap gue baca penggalan kalimat di atas itu atau sekedar denger salah satu temen gue ngomong kayak gitu, hati gue itu rasanya kayak disayat-sayat. Miris banget. Hati itu kerasa sakit banget, dada sampe agak sesek juga, kuping langsung panas, dan rasanya pengen buru-buru kabur aja.

In this case, gue bukan orang yang pengen nge-skakmatin seorang lawan jenis... Well, actually, yeah. Gue emang pengen nge-skakmatin seseorang yang beberapa minggu ini lagi cukup deket sama gue dan tiba-tiba menghilang begitu aja.

I'm not gonna tell you and ramble about the whole story, tapi intinya, sekarang ini gue lagi sakit hati. Bawaannya mumet terus, pengen marah-marah, dan kadang-kadang suka pengen nangis kalo mendengar lagu tertentu. Yep, emang lebay kedengarannya, but this is true. These are what I've been feeling these days. I've also been in such a crappy mood.

Okay, singkatnya, gue itu bagaikan bangkai yang disimpan rapat-rapat di dalam lemari dan orang itu berharap kalo orang lain ga akan mengetahui gue. Dia adem-adem aja gitu, acting like I'm not existed in his world, acting like I'm a stranger, menghilang tanpa kabar selama 10 hari (yep I counted the days) dan tiba-tiba BAM! Dia tiba-tiba muncul begitu aja disaat yang ga tepat.

Jujur ini sebenernya udah ga tau mau nulis apa lagi disini, I just have to clear my mind and writing here is the first time that came in to my mind....

Dear You,

Aku saranin kamu berpikir yang jernih lagi deh. Oke you can disappear as long as you want to and not contact me for days but you don't have to cut me off like that, you know. Aku tau kamu bingung, mumet, dan lain-lain, aku ngerti banget. Tapi kamu mending pikir-pikir lagi deh. 

Kamu tau peribahasa  "Sepandai-pandainya orang menyimpan bangkai, pasti akan ketauan juga." kan? Emang kamu mau aku terus-terusan jadi bangkai? Sadar ga sadar, lama-lama kalo gini terus bakal ketauan juga. So now, I think you better think again and make your choice! 


Okay, don't mind that. Don't mind this post. You can stop reading if you want to because I'm going to stop now. See ya.

Could It Be Love?

Dear You,

We’ve been doing this for what? A few weeks now? I don’t know. I probably lost count of the days. ... Um, no. I didn’t lose count of the days. It’s been 4 weeks now. Yep, it’s been 4 weeks since the first time you text me, since I ignored you because I thought I might be doing the wrong thing, since I couldn’t think clear. 

But then, I think about it all over again today. I’m not doing the wrong thing. I’m not. I just realized that I still like you. I just buried those feelings inside because… well, you know what that is, right? Someone made me bury all the feelings I have for you inside. But now… look at what happened to us? No, not us, but you and I. I just can’t use the word ‘us’ just yet. 

It’s kinda funny if you think what happened right now. I was the one who used to watch you from the distance, watch your every move, watch you talking and laughing with your friends… but now? I think it’s you who watched me having the exam with my friends, coming into my class on the finals week, smiling to me when you have the chance to. 

My best friend said I’m a fool for waiting for you, for taking this kinda seriously, for thinking too much about this, but I can’t help it, you know. I care about you, I’m just shy to admit it. You have said that you care so much about me and you say a lot of nice things about me… Wow. You are the first person who has the guts to tell me that you miss me… and I’m just too shy to say it back to you.

Okay, let me make it quick. I like how you keep in touch with me all the time. I like how you try to find a time to call me, to just hear my voice because you miss me. I like how you keep me late at night to just watch the soccer with you. I like how we talk and laugh over silly, random things in our conversation. I like how you always say goodnight and other sweet things before I sleep. I like getting phone calls with you. I like talking with you for over 1 hour on the phone. I like how you make laugh with your own silliness. I like how you always come up with weird nicknames for me. I like every little thing about you. 

I think I like you… and I don’t know when I will say it to you like you have always said it to me in every text. 

 Thank you for making my days so colorful. 

Sincerely,

Me.

Finally Sixteen

HI PRETTY PEOPLE!!!! :D

Look who finally turned sixteen a week ago? THIS GIRL!! <:O Anyway, I just turned 16 on last May 17 and today, I'm going to write about the things that happened that day.

That day, I got 4 days off of school so my family and I headed off to Jakarta because we had to attend my cousin's wedding party. That day when I woke up on a bright morning, I checked my phone and realized that I got 2 new messages from Amira and Intan. They both sent me a very long text and wished me a happy birthday. And after that, my phone started to blow up with more texts and BBMs. OH and my crush also wished me a happy birthday!!! YEAHHH!! I was just finished taking shower and when I was about to dry my hair, my phone vibrated. Curious, I grabbed it and opened the new text and turns out, the text was from my crush!! aldhnjgsdkgfdklghnjknosd

I think I'm just going to make this short. I spent that day with cousin, just walking around the town. I helped her taking care of her sister's wedding. So we went to the supermarket, to some other places before finally heading to the salon. And we spent about 3-4 hours in that salon. I had this woman's treatment (creambath, manicure, and pedicure) with my cousin. She said that the treatment I got was the birthday gift from them and I was like 'ok'.... though I never got my nails manicured and pedicured.

OH and I got a birthday gift from Intan and my lovely big brother! Check this out!

What I found in my room when I was home from school...

TAZMANIA!!!!

Tazmania from Intan :)

 

Mockingjay novel from my brother :)

1.  I want to thank my parents. Mom, Dad, thank you so much for the wishes. I hope it all will come true.
2. I want to thank my big brother. Hey bro I know you may not read this but whatever. Thank you for the wishes, the book, and the surprise. I honestly had no idea that you'd be coming home yesterday. So, seeing you standing outside the door was really surprising for me lol XD
3. I want to thank Amira. Hey girl we haven't met in a long time and I do hope we can meet really soon! Thanks for the wishes by the way. Love you!
4. I want to thank Intan. HEY YOU! Thank you so much for the gift. You had me waiting anxiously until school over and until the filming done to just see that cute Tazmania you gave to me. Love you!
5. Last, I want to thank all my family, friends, and people who had wished me a happy birthday and wishes. It meant a lot to me :)

Like I said before, I'm just going to make this short and quick. This year, I may not have my best friends coming to my house, bringing me cake, and having a small party, but I'm just glad that I could spend it with my family. Yes, they may not have a birthday cake for me, but my cousin sang me a very short happy birthday in the morning right before we had breakfast together. But that didn't matter. The matter is that I got to spend my birthday with my whole family :)

Ciao!!

P.S. Intan took this photo a few weeks ago when we were doing our English project!

LOL!

What I've Been Up To

Hello blogger land!

I just want to welcome May with a genuine, happy smile on my face because you know what, my birthday is in a few weeks and I could never be happier than this. Anyway, it's a very rare day that I'm feeling happy for some unknown reasons like this. Because these past few weeks, I've never really felt happy because uh, you know school's been so hectic, the mid-term weeks are here, and I have a bunch of homework to do and a bunch of subject to study. Yep, what a life. All I really need right now is a holiday. It's just as simple as that.

So, I'm going to tell you what happened in my life lately (as usual). Where to start? OH! My class has just moved in to a new class room BUT this class is way smaller than my old classroom but whatever. Why am I so happy about moving to a new class? Because from this new classroom I can easily spot my crush and I can almost see him everyday at school. The things I do on recess is staying outside the class and if I get lucky, he would walk down the stairs and I could see him easily with a silly grin on my face. Okay, enough about that. Now let's just move to another topic.

With these homework and exams, I went home past 2pm almost every single day. And my Mom kinda disliked it. I realized that she can read me like the back of her hand and she kinda disliked the things I did. I mean, school has been so tiring lately and I'd go home with this tiring look on my face that I try so hard to hide but my Mom still could see it. My Mom is always like "just take a few minutes to relax would you? you look so tired." and I'm always like "I want to but I can't. I just need to finish this homework so I could relax." She also scolded me cause I didn't really eat properly or have enough sleep everyday or basically because I'm being so busy.

Then at home, I wouldn't have enough time to take a nap so I decided to just do my homework until dinner and continued it again after dinner and stopped at 9.30pm and I would be laying on my comfy bed at 10pm. That's my daily routine. I basically didn't have enough time to relax. That's why I really need a few days of break and I really hope holiday can come faster..... Oh God. JUST GIVE ME TIME TO BREATHE!!

Okay now it's time to put all the stress aside and SMILE!

Anyway, I've been working on a short movie that my friends and I made for our German final assignment which is due on the last week of May. And you know what, I've never thought making a movie would be so much fun! My best buds and I practically always have a lot of fun every time we film the scenes! There would be always these stupid things that we accidentally make during filming and in the end of the day we still laughed about it. Oh and before filming, my friends and I would dance to a random song and record it so we could mix all of these cover videos we made and put it together and... you know that video Carlos made for  Call Me Maybe? Yeah it would be like that though it wouldn't be that good because we're still beginner on editing video.

We also took some pictures in between filming or maybe before filming or after filming. Basically we took pictures all the time!

Intan, me, and Nada at Nada's house on the first day of filming.

Sabhila, Intan, Nada, me, and Ali

Sabhila, Nada, Intan

Ali, Rizki, me, Intan

The guyssss!

Sabhila, me, and... what the hell was Rizki doing?

All of the pictures above were taken on the first day of filming. And the pictures below were taken on the second day of filming at school :D

 

back: Ali and Rizki

front: Intan, me and Nada

These last ones below were taken at Sabhila's house on third day of filming last Saturday. YEAHH

Was that really me?

Yes, Rizki was asleep.

So that's all from me. Yep there are many pictures here but whatever. I just wanted to share it to you guys haha. Anyway, thank you for reading this post and I'm sorry for any spelling or grammatical mistakes. Sooooo see you on the next post and hope you guys have a nice day! 

Everybody Got Issues

Hey. I don't exactly remember when the last time posted here, but whatever. So I have a week off of school and after having second thoughts for a few times, I finally decided to write here again. Anyway, a lot of unexpected things have happened to me this week, and to be honest, I feel sad and scared for no apparent reason. I don't really know how to say it, besides putting it into a story. From this short, 1-shot fiction story, I also want to say sorry to all people who might think that I hate them, especially this girl I knew ever since the first year of high school started. I know you guys might think that I'm a coward for not saying it in person, but I have my reasons to not do that. I don't wanna make things worse, and this is the only thing that came up to my mind.


"Dear I, 
I want you to know that all the things I posted on my Twitter a few days ago weren't about you. You have nothing to do with it. It's about somebody else that clearly isn't you. Don't worry, because I have no reason to do that to you and I wouldn't do that to you. You've been such a great friend for me you know that."

Anyway, here's the story.

I sat by the window in my room as I watched the kids playing tag on the street. They were chasing each other, laughing, and having fun. While I, on the other hand, watched them from my window with a painful look on my face. I pulled up my knees to my chest and hugged it tightly. 'Cover Girl' by Big Time Rush blasted loudly from the speaker of my laptop. For the first time, I felt worse by hearing this song. I know this song should actually make the listeners feel good, but it didn't happen to me today. I felt like wanna cry. Tears were already in the corner of my eyes when the door of my room slammed open. I turned and saw Matt, my big brother, standing there in the doorway with a small smile on his face.

"You look sad." He said as he walked into my room and sat on the space next to me. I shrugged my shoulders and looked out at the street again, "You know, I'm here if you wanna talk."

A loud sigh escaped from my mouth as I turned to face him, "Actually I wanna talk to you about something. Well, not 'talk' actually, I just want you to hear me and say a few words if it's needed." I spoke and he shrugged his shoulders casually, "I've been in a crappy mood this weekend."

"I can see that." He replied shortly as he pulled out his phone and locked his gaze at the screen.

"Well, you know how I hate being called fat, right? No. Not only me, but every girl hates that. And for the thousandth time in my life, I hate being called that. Yes, I know I look fat, my cheeks are chubby, and I gain some weight. But, really? You can't keep telling me that every time, right? I know that I'm fat, okay? You don't have to tell me that." I took a sharp, short breath before continuing my words, "I'm sick of people telling me that. What's their point of telling me that? To make me diet so I can lose some weight? If that is their reason, well it's not working. It's only making me feel worse than I already was. Seriously, I just want everybody to shut up about it. I'm sick of people telling me that."

He was about to open his mouth and say something but I cut him, "What happens to 'don't call every girl fat even if you're joking'? I think people should really remember that next time."

"You're not done, are you?" He asked, turning his head to see me, and I shook my head at him, "Well then, go on."

"And I wrote on my Twitter about how I hate people who keep telling me what to do and such, and one of my best friends thought that it was about her just because we were texting about her trying to get me a boyfriend a few minutes before I wrote that on Twitter. She replied me and I replied her back that it wasn't her but until now, I still have this feeling that she may still think that it's about her. And now, I'm afraid that she will hate me and leave me alone." I rambled as tears started to well up in my eyes again. I couldn't think about it without tears in my eyes. The thought of her leaving me was... painful and scaring the hell out of me. I don't wanna be ignored and left out again in my life.

I went silent and that's when he started to speak, "First of all, I'm gonna say that you're the most insecure person I've ever known. You need to stop that, you know. Every girl is beautiful in their own way. You're beautiful on your own way. Don't listen to those people who tell you that. Just ignore them, okay?" I looked down at my hands when he said that, "And about that whole Twitter 'drama', I guess the most important is, you already clarified that it wasn't for her. Say sorry that it wasn't for anyone from your Twitter land."

I wasn't really satisfied on what he said. But I was glad that he listened to me when I was talking though he was acting like he wasn't listening. It felt nice to finally let it all out of my chest... without tears falling out of my eyes. I know how these things can make me cry, because I've done it once or twice before. I did that because I kept the things in my chest and didn't talk with anyone. I only wrote it on my journal and hoped that my journal could suddenly come alive and talk to me. So the things I did were put some sad songs on and cry. It's pathetic, I know. I can't talk about it with my Mom because I'm too shy so the only option is my big brother who lives outside the town.

"Anyway, thank you for listening, big brother." I said to him with a small smile.

"Yeah, you're welcome."

-The End-

So, that's it. First of all, I'm sorry for any wrong grammar and spelling mistakes. Second, not all parts in this very short story is real, but some of it are really happening to me. Third, thank you so much for reading this crappy post. Last but not least, see you on the next post and hope you all have a nice day!