Everybody Got Issues

Hey. I don't exactly remember when the last time posted here, but whatever. So I have a week off of school and after having second thoughts for a few times, I finally decided to write here again. Anyway, a lot of unexpected things have happened to me this week, and to be honest, I feel sad and scared for no apparent reason. I don't really know how to say it, besides putting it into a story. From this short, 1-shot fiction story, I also want to say sorry to all people who might think that I hate them, especially this girl I knew ever since the first year of high school started. I know you guys might think that I'm a coward for not saying it in person, but I have my reasons to not do that. I don't wanna make things worse, and this is the only thing that came up to my mind.


"Dear I, 
I want you to know that all the things I posted on my Twitter a few days ago weren't about you. You have nothing to do with it. It's about somebody else that clearly isn't you. Don't worry, because I have no reason to do that to you and I wouldn't do that to you. You've been such a great friend for me you know that."

Anyway, here's the story.

I sat by the window in my room as I watched the kids playing tag on the street. They were chasing each other, laughing, and having fun. While I, on the other hand, watched them from my window with a painful look on my face. I pulled up my knees to my chest and hugged it tightly. 'Cover Girl' by Big Time Rush blasted loudly from the speaker of my laptop. For the first time, I felt worse by hearing this song. I know this song should actually make the listeners feel good, but it didn't happen to me today. I felt like wanna cry. Tears were already in the corner of my eyes when the door of my room slammed open. I turned and saw Matt, my big brother, standing there in the doorway with a small smile on his face.

"You look sad." He said as he walked into my room and sat on the space next to me. I shrugged my shoulders and looked out at the street again, "You know, I'm here if you wanna talk."

A loud sigh escaped from my mouth as I turned to face him, "Actually I wanna talk to you about something. Well, not 'talk' actually, I just want you to hear me and say a few words if it's needed." I spoke and he shrugged his shoulders casually, "I've been in a crappy mood this weekend."

"I can see that." He replied shortly as he pulled out his phone and locked his gaze at the screen.

"Well, you know how I hate being called fat, right? No. Not only me, but every girl hates that. And for the thousandth time in my life, I hate being called that. Yes, I know I look fat, my cheeks are chubby, and I gain some weight. But, really? You can't keep telling me that every time, right? I know that I'm fat, okay? You don't have to tell me that." I took a sharp, short breath before continuing my words, "I'm sick of people telling me that. What's their point of telling me that? To make me diet so I can lose some weight? If that is their reason, well it's not working. It's only making me feel worse than I already was. Seriously, I just want everybody to shut up about it. I'm sick of people telling me that."

He was about to open his mouth and say something but I cut him, "What happens to 'don't call every girl fat even if you're joking'? I think people should really remember that next time."

"You're not done, are you?" He asked, turning his head to see me, and I shook my head at him, "Well then, go on."

"And I wrote on my Twitter about how I hate people who keep telling me what to do and such, and one of my best friends thought that it was about her just because we were texting about her trying to get me a boyfriend a few minutes before I wrote that on Twitter. She replied me and I replied her back that it wasn't her but until now, I still have this feeling that she may still think that it's about her. And now, I'm afraid that she will hate me and leave me alone." I rambled as tears started to well up in my eyes again. I couldn't think about it without tears in my eyes. The thought of her leaving me was... painful and scaring the hell out of me. I don't wanna be ignored and left out again in my life.

I went silent and that's when he started to speak, "First of all, I'm gonna say that you're the most insecure person I've ever known. You need to stop that, you know. Every girl is beautiful in their own way. You're beautiful on your own way. Don't listen to those people who tell you that. Just ignore them, okay?" I looked down at my hands when he said that, "And about that whole Twitter 'drama', I guess the most important is, you already clarified that it wasn't for her. Say sorry that it wasn't for anyone from your Twitter land."

I wasn't really satisfied on what he said. But I was glad that he listened to me when I was talking though he was acting like he wasn't listening. It felt nice to finally let it all out of my chest... without tears falling out of my eyes. I know how these things can make me cry, because I've done it once or twice before. I did that because I kept the things in my chest and didn't talk with anyone. I only wrote it on my journal and hoped that my journal could suddenly come alive and talk to me. So the things I did were put some sad songs on and cry. It's pathetic, I know. I can't talk about it with my Mom because I'm too shy so the only option is my big brother who lives outside the town.

"Anyway, thank you for listening, big brother." I said to him with a small smile.

"Yeah, you're welcome."

-The End-

So, that's it. First of all, I'm sorry for any wrong grammar and spelling mistakes. Second, not all parts in this very short story is real, but some of it are really happening to me. Third, thank you so much for reading this crappy post. Last but not least, see you on the next post and hope you all have a nice day!

Elevate!

HEY HEY HEY BLOGGY! :D

I have no specific topic to talk about so I'm going to ramble about how my days went since the last time I posted here. FYI, I got one week off of school because the seniors are having finals.

Okay, so I went to Jakarta with my parents on Tuesday which made me so happy and excited! The reason why I was so happy is because I know I can go to a bookstore and spend half of my day there just looking through each books. What a nerd lol. I stayed there for 2 days and I went to Gramedia, Supermall Karawaci with Mom and my Aunt. It didn't go well like I thought. I was staying in Gramedia for only an hour and bought 'Sunshine Becomes You' by Ilana Tan.

I actually wanted to go to Times or Kinokuniya bookstore so bad but my Dad can't seem to find the right time so I tried my best to enjoy the only book I bought. Anyway, the book is really great. I recommend you to buy and read this book. Believe me, this book is awesome!

Oh oh oh and another info for you guys (especially if you're a fan of Big Time Rush). So, a week ago I pre-ordered Big Time Rush's new album 'Elevate' and guess what? THE PACKAGE IS HERE! When my Mom told me that I got a package, I ran out of my room and grinned widely like an idiot. I was smiling so widely and jumping excitedly when I opened the package. My mom was like 'Calm down, Lela. It's still 10 in the morning and you already freak out like crazy' lol. Long story short, I didn't faint or lose my balance or anything..... ANYWAY This is the picture of me and my lovely BTR's album 'Elevate'

AAAAAAAAAA I CAN'T REALLY DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL WHEN I HOLD THAT ALBUM WITH MY HANDS :")

And I also rented 8 movies so I could have movies marathon at home. The movies I rented:

1. Monte Carlo
2. He Is Not That Into You
3. Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn part 1
4. No Strings Attached
5. The Final Destination
6. Stick It
7. Crazy, Stupid, Love
8. Super 8

I spent half of my days staying inside my room and watching those movies. It's been really good days though. Elevate CD, new novel, movies marathon, and writing.

Oh about writing. So I decided to put 'Fix You' on hold because apparently, I found writing crossover fan fiction more interesting than continuing that story or even continuing my novel. Yeah, I'm working on writing a novel, but I have stopped since months ago. It's just... suddenly I forgot about all the story line I'm gonna use. Writer's block sucks :(

FYI, my crossover fan fiction of Jonas Brothers and Big Time Rush is now on fanfiction.net. Here's the link to my fanfiction.net profile if you wanna read it :D

>>Click Here<<

So, that's all from me. Thank you for reading this and hope you guys have a nice weekend!! :D

P.S. ELEVATE A LITTLE HIGHER! 

Stop The Tape and Rewind.

Where do I start?
I have a lot of things to say, but I don't think I can put all of it in words.

A lot of things have happened in my life for these past few months. I went to Tarakan, East Kalimantan, with my family and 3 aunts. To be honest, it was such a great trip. I was in need of getting away from my life for a while, and going to Tarakan with my family was a nice escape. We went there for my Dad's friend's daughter wedding. I didn't really take any pictures when I was there, so I couldn't leave any picture here (except photos of me and my big brother). Tarakan was a nice place. I met some of my parents' old friends. We had dinner together with them and my parents seemed to have a 'reunion' thingy with them. By the way, Mom took these pictures below:

I was there for about 2 days. The flight was long, tiring, and boring. But thank God I brought one of my favorite novels and bought 'The Last Song' by Nicholas Sparks at Periplus book store when we were waiting for flight to home in Balikpapan.

Then there's this a huge event at my school that's finished a few weeks ago. It called 'Gebyar Smantie Cup XVI'. There were a dance competition, soccer, singing, etc. But I got the chance to be one of the people who took care of the English Competition Week VI that was held by our English Club, SENTURY (Smantie English Culture and Society).

This year's mascot and one of the dancers at the opening ceremony of GSC XVI.

Intan, Ghalda, and me.

And here are some pictures of me and Intan. We took these pics on recess time. We were extremely bored but we didn't bring any laptop so we decided to just use my phone to take pics lol.

And I watched this amazing play yesterday with my school mates. It was really amazing honestly. When the show was done and we all went home, it was raining hardly. So I decided to stop by at McDonalds to have some late lunch ALONE. But that afternoon, McD was so crowded and I sat with chicken burger and a cup of cold milo on the table all by myself in the corner of the room. A few friends that knew me asked 'Hey, you here alone?' and I just answered 'yeah hahaha' with a sad smile on my face. Pathetic much? XD lol.

Oh and I've been writing a lot of stories again lately. As I'm getting busier with school each day, this feeling inside of me keep telling me to leave some time to write. So I do it. I write on my phone and then copy it to my laptop. Anyway, I've also been thinking to start writing novel again. The last time I try to write a novel was a few years ago when I was still in middle school. But yesterday after talking with Ressa (one of Rushers from Indonesia), I told myself to continue writing it. I have stopped writing it since the second semester started. Well, I guess I really have to start writing again if I want to make one of my dreams come true.

I just posted one of my Big Time Rush fan fictions yesterday. The latest part was already posted. I posted this morning right after I woke up. So, if you guys read it, please leave me some comment. I need to know what you guys think of it. You can leave the comment on the comment section below the post, or you can catch me up on my twitter (@mynameislela). Feel free to comment anything (but please don't be rude or harsh at me). Constructive comment is always welcomed ;) and pardon for any wrong grammar or anything. English is not my mother language,  but I'm trying my best to write in English.

Check out this awesome video below! It's Carlos and friends' version of "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepsen music video. This video is so hilarious! Enjoy!



So, I think that's all from me. Thank you so much for reading my blog and, again, I'm sorry for any wrong grammar or spelling. See ya later! Hope you have a great day and weekend!

#FixYou Part 2

Fix You

Part 2: Meeting

“No, Cody. You don’t have to. We have lived here for two years now. Why are you freaking out about me so much? I’m already 20, Cody.” I said to the phone and rolled my eyes in annoyance. I could hear Cody talking with another person about something, “Cody, are you even listening to me?” I asked tiredly.

“Huh? Yeah. I’m still here.” He’s lying. I knew he didn’t listen to me. He was talking with somebody when I talked to him, “Can you please just get here? The meeting starts in a few minutes.”

“Well, I’m not sure if I can get there on time. I don’t bring my scooter and it looks like it’s gonna rain outside. Maybe I can get there on time if you or Cory or somebody pick me up-“ then I realized that he already hung up the phone. I shoved my phone back into my jeans pocket and got up from my seat. I walked out of Starbuck before it could start to rain.

I kept telling myself that Columbia Records office is like 3 blocks away from here. There’s no way that I can get there on time for the meeting. Well, maybe I can get there on time if I have my scooter with me, but I didn’t! When I was still walking to the office and only 1 block away, the rain started to pour down.

“Great.” I said sarcastically under my breath. I pulled on my hoodie and continued to walk to the office in the middle of the rain. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t like to have me in the meeting room with them because my clothes were soaking wet, but… I’m so gonna blame Cody for this.

When I walked in to the big, glass building, the security gave me an old look. But when I turned to see him and pulled off my hoodie, he just smiled and let me in. The girl behind the reception desk was giving me the same look but I ignored it and just asked, “I’m here for a meeting with-“

“Kelsey! There you are!” I turned my head and saw my other brother, Cory, walking towards me with his phone glued on his hand, “The others are waiting for you! Geez, the meeting is already started.” The lady rolled her eyes at me and I just shot her a look. She’s so gonna be fired if I told her boss about her behavior.

I followed Cory to the elevator, “Where have you been and why are you soaking wet like this? I thought you’re only going to Starbucks.”

“Apparently, Starbucks is 3 blocks away from here and when I talked with your twin on the phone, he didn’t listen and hang up on me. Tell him to show her little sister some respect. It’s disrespectful to hang up on someone when you know that he or she is still talking to you.” I rambled and rolled my eyes in annoyance again.

“I’ll tell him that. You can count on me, lil’ sis.” Cory said and chuckled, “By the way, are you ready for this?” he turned to see me and smiled.

I only shrugged my shoulders and said, “Let’s rock.” Cory laughed slightly at me and messed with my hair. We got out of the elevator and walked towards the meeting room. Cory took a deep breath before opening the door.

Everybody’s eyes were on us—but mostly on me because I was the one who looked inappropriate—as we stood in the doorway, “Kelsey? What happened to you?” Brad, our manager, was the first one who spoke up. I just realized that they have stopped talking right after Cory opened the door.

“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later about it.” I answered and my eyes scanned all around the room. There were, like, a dozen of people here! And their eyes were all on me, looking at me from head to toe.

“Um, gentlemen, this is Kelsey Roberts, one of the vocalists of Roberts and Company,” Brad introduced me and I just waved awkwardly, “Kelsey, Cory, have a seat. We have to get this meeting going.” News flash; I didn’t even know what things we’re going to talk in this meeting. Cody just said that I need to get here because we have meeting with the label.

I didn’t really pay attention on what everybody was saying. To be honest, I was completely pissed, tired, and cold. I mean, I just walked in the rain so I could get to this meeting on time, but actually I was late. That was pretty dumb.

After about two hours, the meeting’s over. Everybody left the room, except 4 guys that were sitting across me. I could feel one of them—the tall, blonde guy—still giving me a weird look. I know I looked like a mess, but please, stop making me feel even worse than I already was.

“Incase you didn’t listen, we’re gonna be their opening act on their tour for next 3 months.” Brad spoke up as he stood beside me, “They’re Big Time Rush.” I combed my hair with my fingers and pulled them up in a messy ponytail. I totally didn’t care how I look today in front of them.

“I know who they are. Claire watched their show all the time. She can’t stop laughing and grinning the whole time.” I spoke up as the Big Time Rush guys approached me, “I’m Kelsey, by the way. Sorry for coming late and showing up like this. Who knows it would be raining out there and your brother would hang up on you?” I turned to see Cody and gave him a hard look, making the guys to laugh slightly at my words.

“I don’t know it would be raining! I thought Cory would pick you up…” he defended and I just sighed, before turning to see the BTR guys again.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Well, you don’t look that bad, though.” The tallest guy—that I knew as James—spoke up and smiled softly.

“By the way, you have a nice shirt. I’m pretty sure my friend will like it.” The Latino said—it’s Carlos—that made me look down at my shirt. Oh of course their friend will like it. I was wearing one of my Giant Creature shirts.

“I like his shirts.” I stated simply, “By the way, I’m looking forward to get on tour with you guys. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be awesome.”

“Well, they’re gonna have one girl that’s going to freak out when she sees them in the bus.” Cory added and I just rolled my eyes playfully, “It’s our litte sister.”

“You?” the brown haired guy with dimples—Logan—asked and gave me a questioning look.

“No! It’s Claire, our youngest sister. Don’t worry, she’s only 10 years old.” I added quickly and grinned at them.

“Who’s up for some lunch? We’re going to In-N-Out.” Cory spoke up and looked at us. He had my blue sports bag over his shoulder and I just gave him a questioning look.

“You can’t let me have lunch in these clothes, unless you want me to get sick and not go on tour with you.” I told him and gestured to the wet clothes I wore, “and why are you carrying my sports bag?”

“Do you remember that you left your sports bag in my car yesterday? I’m sure you have some clean clothes in it.” Cory said again and gave the sports bag to me.

“Okay, then, I’m in. I guess we’ll meet at the resto, eh? I need to talk with Cory and Cody for a while. You know…” I trailed off and gave Brad a look. He seemed to understand because he only sighed and led the others out of the room.

“We’ll see you there!” The blonde—Kendall—said and gave me a small wave.

I waved back at him before turning to see my brothers, “We have to talk. But before that, let me change my clothes first.” We walked out of the meeting room. Cody and Cory waited in the hallway while I changed my clothes in the toilet. I changed into my grey sweatpants, a white t-shirt, and grey hoodie. I actually wanted to change my wet, grey sneakers into my rainbow flip-flops but… it only made me look more inappropriate. The other guys were something nice and casual but look good… and then there’s me wearing sweatpants and hoodies like I just got out of a gym or woke up.

“Let’s go.”  I got of the toilet and tossed Cory my sports bag, “So, will one of you tell me about the things we talked in the meeting? I didn’t really pay attention.”

“So, Big Time Rush is having their first headlining tour, and we’re gonna be their opening act for a few cities. As we have planned before, we’re thinking to bring Claire with us and they’re okay with it. I have talked with Mom and Dad about it too. They said they wanted the best for Claire, so they allowed us to bring her.” Cory explained.

“What about the treatment? We know that she should be getting checked during the tour.” I spoke up.

“Mom already took care of it. Don’t worry about it, Kelsey. I promise that this would turn out great. We’re gonna make her so happy by bringing her to go on tour with her favorite band.” Cody slung his arm around my shoulder casually and kissed my hair.

“I hope so.” That’s all I could say as we walked out of the building and to the parking lot. I got in to the back seat of Cory’s car and went silent for the rest of car ride to the resto. I was only messing around with my phone and looking through the pictures I have in it. When I was in the middle of messing around, Cody’s phone rang.

“It’s Dad. He probably wants to talk with you.” Cody said and handed his phone to me. I put my phone aside and answered the call.

“Hey, Dad.” I answered casually.

“Oh, hey, kiddo.” I hated it when he called me kiddo, but sometimes it just sounded so right somehow, “How’s your day going? Did the meeting go well?”

“Well, my day went pretty bad because I had to walk in the rain just because I wanted to get to the office on time. And, the meeting went pretty well. I got to meet the guys I’m going tour with for next few months. Now I’m on my way to In-N-Out to have lunch with the crews.” I explained to him.

“Why did you walk in the rain? Didn’t one of the twins pick you up?”

“Unfortunately, they didn’t. But it doesn’t matter, I survived though.” I smiled slightly, “Is Claire there?”

“Yeah, she’s here with me. So, I told her that she’s going to go on tour with you and she sounded so excited. She can’t wait to see you and the twins performing on stage. But mostly, she can’t wait to know who you’re going tour with.” Hm, I guessed he hasn’t told her that we’re going on tour with BTR.

“That’s great. I’m sure she will have a lot of fun.”

“Yeah, I thought so too.” Then there was a silence, “I’ll call you later, okay? See ya, Kelsey. Love you.”

“Love you too, Dad.” We hung up and I handed the phone back to Cody. I leaned on the back of my seat and sighed in relief. The tour starts in a few days and Claire’s coming with us. I thought it was a bad idea at first, but Mom convinced me to bring her. A lot of bad thoughts started to cross my mind but I shook them off and took a deep breath. I wish everything’s gonna be alright.

#FixYou Part 1

Fix You

Part 1: Leaving.

I opened my eyes and sighed loudly, silently glancing at the air that came out from my mouth. The view in front of me is so breath taking for some people, but not for me. I didn't really get it how they like river so much and not beach. But I still go to this place when I need time to think though. This place is the only place I can be calm for a while.

My mind was racing, my heart was beating so fast, but my face was blank. There were a lot of things in my mind that I couldn't say it to anyone, not even my brothers or my best friend. I usually share every thing on my mind to them, but now, I can't.

"Why are you here? You're supposed to be home. Dad will kill us if he knows that we're not home above the curfew." I turned around and saw one of my brothers, Cory, walking towards me.

"I was just from the coffee shop." I answered shortly, "And by the way, Dad won't kill us because he still hasn't home either. He's still at the office, having a farewell party with his co-workers til midnight. So it's only Mom and Claire at home."

"She called me earlier to pick you up from the coffee shop and that Cody is already home. Now let's go because it's cold out here and we have a flight to catch tomorrow." I shrugged my shoulders and followed him to his car.

"Where have you been?" I asked as I slid in to the passenger seat and put my bag on the ground. We buckled up before Cory pulled back from the parking lot and drove to home.

"Ronald's. We hung out for the last time with some of my college friends. By the way, what are you doing at the coffee shop?" He asked back as he focused on the road.

"Just thinking." I answered shortly and tightened my grip on my own coat, "So, we're actually leaving, huh?" I have asked this question so many times to him and Cody, but they still keep answering me.

"Hard to believe it, but, yeah." He said and glanced at me for a split second.

"Why we even moved from the states a few years ago if in the end we're moving back to the states again? I have started to start a new page here but now I have to leave it and start from the start all over again in a new place."

"We do this for Claire this time." Cory stated calmly and I sunk in my seat, "you know we just want to do the best for her. We don't know how-"\

"Don't say that." I cut his words, "There has to be a miracle." I added in a small voice. Cory sighed loudly and reached my right hand with his left one. He squeezed it, mentally telling myself to calm.

"We're gonna make this year unforgettable for all of us. This is gonna be the best year ever. I promise that." Cory said, turning to see me for a split second, and smiled confidently.

"I hope so." That’s all I could say before deciding to just shut my mouth for the rest of the car ride to home.

When I got at home, the lights were still on. I got out of the car and walked in to the house, suddenly feeling weird when I realized that the house was half empty because a lot of stuff has been shipped to America, “Kelsey? Is that you?”

“Yeah. It’s me.” I walked to the family room and saw Mom sitting on the couch with Cody, “Sorry for coming home late. I shouldn’t have too caught up on talking with Elise.”

“Nah, it’s fine. You’re about to turn 18, and I trust you. I know you won’t do something stupid.” Mom said casually and smiled softly at me.

“Um, I think I’m gonna go to bed now. We have a flight to catch tomorrow.” I smiled half-heartedly and stood awkwardly on my spot, “Goodnight, Mom, Cody.” I spun my heels and walked to upstairs, to my room. Again, I was kind of surprised when I realized that my room was almost empty. There were no posters and photos on the wall again, the bookshelf was half empty, my desk was clear, and my dresser was already empty, leaving the clothes I’m going to wear tomorrow on the armchair.

I put my bag on the desk and sat on the edge of my bed, thinking how things could change so fast in my life.