Penggalauan Hari Sabtu

Gue tau mungkin gue terlihat sebagai anak yang males dengan duduk di depan laptop with my headset on dan blogging kayak gini. Besides, hari ini itu udah Sabtu dan besok Minggu dan mulai hari Rabu nanti gue udah mulai UAS. I know what I'm supposed to do right now. Ya gue tau gue harusnya mulai nyicil ngerjain tugas dan start studying for my final semester test, tapi tangan gue gatel banget pengen ngetik dan kepala gue rasanya udah mau meledak. I gotta clear my head asap. Biasanya yang gue lakuin adalah ngambil blackbook (sebuah diary dgn cover hitam, hadiah dari Mail bulan May lalu) dan mulai nulis, tapi apa daya, tangan udah males banget nyorat-nyoret dan blog udah kepampang di tab mozilla saya.

Lagi-lagi gue menghabiskan numberless hours of surfing the internet dari mulai selesai makan siang dan do my chores as a daughter. Pertamanya, emang asal-asalan dari mulai ngecek Twitter, Facebook, trus liat-liat blog orang. Dan gue pun akhirnya landing di blognya Nadia, seorang pelajar Indonesia yang baru balik dari Amerika beberapa bulan lalu setelah homestay di FL selama setahun. Nadia emang terbilang cukup jarang blogging karena udah kelas 12 tapi gue tetep setia nunggu dia blogging. Post dia yang paling baru (Adil...?) langsung membuat gue mikir berkali-kali tentang apa yang gue cita-citain dan gue pengen lakukan selama ini.

Yang saya pengen bicarain di sini sekarang adalah... diri saya sendiri. Gimana saya belom bisa tau akan potensi dan kemampuan yang saya miliki dan seperti apa masa depan yang saya inginkan. Saya itu seorang anak perempuan yang mempunyai cita-cita yang tinggi. Dari TK saya selalu bercita-cita bahwa saya tuh akan menjadi dokter dan menolong orang-orang di rumah sakit. Tapi semakin saya besar, saya punya hobi baru. Saya mulai suka menulis. Orang bilang, follow your passion and heart. Keliatannya mudah tapi sebenernya susah.

Saya mencoba menuruti passion saya dengan menjadi penulis, tapi pekerjaan sebagai penulis itu bukan pekerjaan tetap yang akan terus menerus saya geluti hingga saya tua. Jadi penulis itu nggak gampang. Butuh waktu yang cukup lama untuk menulis sebuah cerita dengan alur yang pas, diksi yang benar, dan lain-lain. Dari SMP sampai sekarang, saya selalu bilang pada diri saya sendiri kalau suatu saat nanti saya akan menerbitkan sebuah novel. Tapi nyatanya, dari SMP kelas 1 sampai sekarang saya belum menyeleseaikan satu novelpun. Yang ada saya malah terus-terusan menulis di Mibba dan Fanfiction.net bukannya menyelesaikan si calon novel itu yang sudah terabaikan.

Lalu, dari kecil saya selalu bercita-cita untuk jadi dokter. Semakin saya besar, saya tau kalo jadi dokter itu nggak mudah. Saya harus bisa Biology dan belajar dengan sangat giat supaya nilai-nilai saya bagus. Belajar giat juga bisa dibilang tantangan karena pasti selalu aja ada rasa malas yang menghantui. Belum lagi orang-orang lain yang lebih pintar dari saya yang tentunya sangat banyak karena saya sekolah di SMA 3 Sukabumi, dan saya tau saingan saya itu bukan orang-orang yang sembarangan.

Trus saya juga pengen banget ikutan AFS. Keluarga saya otomatis langsung men-support saya begitu saya bilang hal ini. Tapi, ada satu yang agak menghalangi. Saya mendapat tawaran untuk masuk kelas Aksel kalo nilai-nilai saya di rapot memuaskan. Tawaran yang cukup gila sebenernya. Saya masih ingat bagaimana ekspresi saya hari Sabtu beberapa bulan lalu itu ketika saya dan beberapa teman sekelas saya digiring ke kantor wakasek kurikulum. Mata saya langsung berkaca-kaca (tanda akan senang, sedih, dan lain-lain) dan dada yang terasa sesak begitu memikirkan semua hal yang sudah rencanakan semenjak saya masuk SMA.

Tadinya saya langsung berpikiran bahwa akan lebih baik kalo saya masuk kelas Aksel (tentu saja harus kerja keras karena nilai saya harus LULUS semua) karena dengan masuk kelas Aksel akan lebih mudah untuk masuk ke perguruan tinggi karena katanya 100% siswa aksel mendapat snmptn undangan. Tapi ternyata setelah dipikir-pikir lagi, bukan itu yang saya inginkan. Saya ingin menjadi dokter tapi sekolah tetap 3 tahun malah kalo bisa ikutan program AFS. Masalahnya sekarang adalah.... apa saya bisa? apa saya yakin pada diri saya sendiri?

See? Penggalauan banget ngga sih itu. Mana ini post isinya random banget lagi x_x Hhhh -_- okay, I think I better stop typing and take a nap. My eyes are starting to hurt and my back is aching. See ya!

November

Busy.

Exhausted.


Lack of sleep.

What can I say? These all are really happening to me. I can't really sleep at night so yeah, I would be so sleepy at school. Besides, November's nights have been cold! I couldn't sleep without my sweater on because it would be so cold at midnight. Oh yeah, I wanna tell you some things about November.

Last weekend, my Aunts and Uncle were coming here from Jakarta! I was so happy that day because my house would be so crowded! Besides, my brother was also coming. That Saturday, I went home right after my writing test that was being held by Mr. Anang (my English teacher) with a wide smile on my face. I met up with my bro and his gf then chatted for a little and after that, I went straight to home. When I got at home, my Aunts were already there. Woo hoo! The reason why my Aunts and Uncle were coming was because there would a family gathering on Sunday. Long story short, when I was busy doing my homework (what?! I actually really did my homework on Saturday! :p), I got a call from Mr. Anang. He told me that my writing was good and he wanted me to come to his house on Sunday. He also told me to practice my speech. On Saturday night I went out with my Aunts and Uncle. It was fun! I think I forgot when was the last time I went out to have dinner and shopping...

Sunday. The family gathering was held and lots of people came to my house. It was crowded but it's okay. It was fun, though. At about 1.30 pm, I met up with Dini and went to Mr. Anang's house. Dini and I had to write another essay and such for Monday's competition. Actually, it's not a competition. It was a debate team selection test... I did my essay well but did my speech not so well. I wished I could do my speech that well but it was kinda hard for me (having this stutter problem since I was still a kid is a big deal for me).

The final semester test will come soon. It starts from November 23 till December 6! HOW GREAT!! My life couldn't be more perfect than this (guys, please notice the sarcasm here ;)) and... what should I write again? I'm so excited for December but not the exam part, it's the holiday part!! I'm planning to meet Amira and spend my whole holiday at Jakarta. Yippieeeeeeeeeeee!!!

OHHH!! I wanna tell you one more thing! ELEVATE is out on November 21! So if you live around USA, don't forget to grab a copy of it! ;) and MUSIC SOUNDS BETTER WITH YOU music video is already out! OMG OMG OMG OMG AAAAA!! *fan girl mode on* if you're too lazy to open a new tab and check Youtube, I'll just put it in here. Here we go!!



YOU SEE THAT?! BTR IS SO AWESOME AND KENDALL IS JUST SO ASDFGHJKL. The way he did that heartbreak sign was just so asdfghjkl. omg I can't even breath!! *o* They will start tour (it's called Better With U Tour with a guest-star One Direction) next year! Let's hope that it will be a world tour so they could come to Indonesia! :D :D :D

Btw, that's all. Sorry for the random fan girl mode in the end of this post :D Thanks for reading and hope you all have an awesome day!

Keep Calm and Elevate A Little Higher! :p

Scenes of The Past

Look who's back again today :D  I'm tired and bored and it's raining outside so I decided to write something. Well, I haven't written anything these few days sooo today I decided to write something even if it's short. And I decided to write a one-shot original story.

By the way, I'm sorry for all the wrong spellings and grammar because I'm still learning to write properly in English and fyi, I'm learning all of it by myself since I moved out from Jakarta. So yeah *shrug* Please leave some comments and..... just share your thoughts about this, okay? Constructive comments are always welcomed and appreciated :D

Here we go!:

The wind blew pretty heavily as it started to rain outside. The girl who's sitting in front of her laptop turned her head to look out at the street and sighed heavily. She stood up and walked towards the window, breathing heavily as her head and eyes started to feel heavy. She hasn't had enough sleep these last few days. She had a lot of assignments to do and final exams are chasing her. She turned her heels and walked towards her bed so she could lay on it and enjoy the cool air that came out from the air conditioner. The soft and slow music that blasted through the speaker of her laptop made her to feel calm.

"Run!!!" she shouted and ran with her 2 friends as her other friends started to run towards her, trying to catch her. They were laughing and enjoying the summer sun that shined brightly.

"Okay, Chlo, stop it now. I'm tired," the girl with blond hair said as she stopped running and sitting on the pavement. Chloe stopped running as well and gave her friend an odd look.

"You're tired? Oh, come on, Kris! It's nothing like running marathon. Right, Lou?" Chloe said and turned to look at Louise at the end. Louise, the guy with jet black hair, nodded and sat on the pavement, next to Kris.

"By the way, do you have any foods? I'm starving," Louise said with an innocent smile to Chloe. 

"You're always starving," The other guy with short, messy, brown hair said to Louise and smacked the back of Louise's head, "My Mom made some cupcakes. Come with me if you want," Bobby said and crossed the street, walking to his house.

Chloe opened her eyes and stared aimlessly at the ceiling. The color of brown seemed so dull after all this time. The last time she checked, she remembered that everything seemed so perfect. The color of the ceiling never seemed so dull. The painting of her and friends never seemed so fade. But today, it's different. Every time she looked around, she felt like everything has changed. 

"What could change in a matter of a few months?" she asked to herself and shut her eyes again, drowning herself in her own thoughts.

Chloe waved at her family and smiled at them as she walked towards them with a proud smile on her face, "Can you believe it? I just graduated!" She said happily as she reached her family. She hugged each of her parents and her big brother.

"I'm thinking to go out with you today, but-"

"I can't." She cut her brother's words and gave him an apologetic smile, "I have plans with Kris, Louise, and Bobby tonight." 

"I tell you once again to not go to a party and go home before the curfew. Well, you know the rules, right? Tell Louise to drive very carefully. I don't want bad things happen to you and the others," her father rambled and Chloe smiled warmly at him.

"I got it, Dad. Don't worry," she put her hands on her father's shoulder and pulled him in a quick hug, "I'm going to catch up with them. I'll see you later, 'kay?" 

"Okay, hun. Be home before dinner so we can talk," her mother shouted at her as Chloe walked towards the group of her friends that chatted happily near the gym.

She put on her jacket and walked out of her room and to the balcony of her small apartment. Living alone was hard for her. She used to live with her family and had her friends around her. The wind that blew through her as she sat on the wooden chair made her to shiver. She looked at the gray sky as she took a deep breath. Then she darted away her gaze to look at the crowded street of L.A. She wondered why people like to go out on such rainy days. She shut her eyes and took another deep breath before letting her mind to play another scene of her past.

"I can't believe we actually did this. 4 years seemed too short for me," Louise said as he looked straight at the sky that full of stars. The 4 best friends decided to spend their night at the park, just talking and laughing about anything they've been through all this time. 

"Yeah. And now, in a few weeks, we all will go to separate ways. I hate to do this but I have no choice," Bobby spoke up with a loud sigh.

"We all hate to do it, but we all have to," Chloe corrected, "You're going to NYU, Louise's going to Harvard, missy Kristina here is going to Oxford, and I'm going to UCLA. Well, we're so dysfunctional," she added with a slight laugh.

"I don't want you guys forget about me. Please promise me that we will never forget about each other and this friendship will never end just because lack of communications," Kris butted in as she sat up from the blanketed grass with tears welling up in her blue eyes.

"We promise," her other 3 friends said in unison, sitting up, and pulled her in a comforting hug, "We will never forget about each other. Our beautiful friendship will never end. We will be always together, no matter what happen. I can guarantee that," Chloe said in a small voice as a tear fell down to her cheeks. 

She could feel her eyes starting to watered as she let her mind playing some scenes from her past. She blinked her eyes a few times to hold back the tears that were about to fall down. She smiled bravely to herself and took a few deep breaths to calm herself. When she was about to stand up, the bell rang. She frowned at herself and made her way to the front door. Taking a few deep breaths again, she finally opened the door. 

"Happy birthday!" 3 people stood outside the door with a bright smile on their face. The first guy with black hair had a silly grin on his face and a bag on his hands. The other guy with brown hair had a very wide smile and a small cake with a few candles on its top on his hand. The only girl with blond hair stood there with thick photo album on her hand, weighing her messenger bag. Chloe smiled so widely at the scene of this. She blinked her eyes a few times to make sure that this was real. And she was right. This was real.

"Oh my gosh. What the hell are you guys doing here?!" She asked in disbelief tone and pulled her 3 best friends that she hasn’t seen in 4 months in a group hug.

"We're here to give you a surprise. We all planned to not text, call, e-mail you on your birthday. Well, even all of us didn't say happy birthday to you on your birthday. So... here we are." Bobby explained. He was right. None of them said happy birthday to Chloe on her birthday two days ago. Chloe could have sworn that it was her worst birthday.

"We're sorry for that. We didn't say birthday to you by phone because we all wanted to say it in person." Kris added.

"So... happy late birthday, Chloe," Louise said and smiled to her, "Okay, now make a wish and blow the candles." He instructed to Chloe who was still frozen on the doorway. 

With a smile, Chloe closed her eyes and started to make a wish. When she finished, she opened her eyes and blew the candles. Her friends clapped their hands happily and congratulated her a 'happy late birthday' once again. 

"Come on in. We have to catch up!" Chloe said happily and moved aside so her friends could come in. As she shut the door, she led her friends to the small lounge and started to talk and laugh about some things. They ate the cake together, talked about their live ever since they went to college, laughed at some stupid lame jokes, etc. Chloe couldn't wipe the smile off of her face. The only thing she wanted at the moment was being with her best friends after a pretty long time of not seeing each other and lack of communications because all of them were busy with assignments and such. But in that moment, Chloe didn't have to worry anymore because they're all with her. All she could is just enjoy every single moment with them and forget about the others. Nothing even matters to her whenever she's with her friends.

Rambling

I'm tired. 

Actually, that's all I feel right now. That word describes how I feel all this time. It's been a few months since I officially became a high school student and I feel really tired. I mean, 'tired' is the only word that describes EVERYTHING -,-

School's been REALLY hectic and I'm about to tear all my hair out right now :/

Since I became a high school student, my life is way too organized. If you ask me where I would be at 7pm,  I'm gonna answer that I would be sitting in my room, doing all my homework with my laptop & music on. If you ask me where I would be at 1pm, I'm gonna answer that I would be on my way to home.

I actually don't know what to write at this moment. My brain is just too asdfghjkl and all I needed to see is just this blank page of a new entry. I honestly think that I should really update this blog after a few weeks.... so here I am right now.

All I really need is a few weeks of holiday. I really need to relax, get some proper sleep, have fun with my family and such. I need to take a break from all of this stuff.... but I know I would only get a few weeks of holiday on December which is still a month away. I really need to watch some brand new movies at the cinema and buy some new books!!!! But yeah, I still have to wait until December because if I buy it right time, I would get distracted by those things and wouldn't touch my text books. Poor me.

Um I think that's all from me. Like I said before, I think I don't have anything to write so I just ramble about everything. Thanks for reading and I'm so sorry for all the wrong grammar, spelling, and such. You can tell me, though, if you find those shits in this post or my previous posts. Constructive comments are always welcomed and appreciated ;)

Peace out!

Lela :)

High School Kid

High school is just so tiring. I get a lot of homework everyday and count those exams and silly quiz every single day. And the pressure I get at class and school.... Phew. It's just... I'm glad to be a high school kid but I never thought that it would be this hard and tiring. Sometimes I really feel like wanna pull my hair out. It's just.... so frustrating sometimes :(

 So, I've became a high school kid for about 2-3 months right now.... and I don't know how to feel about that. Well, yes, I'm happy. Heck, I'm so happy about it. I got into my brother's former high school and it's just... I think I made my parents a bit proud of me by becoming a student there. Well, I don't really have to worry about that anymore, but the future is the thing I'm worrying about right now.

Again, I'm in the middle of making discussion that would affect on my future. And my teacher just said it to me yesterday morning. I was in the middle of talking with Dea and suddenly the teacher called me along with 3 other students to the teacher's room. I was so surprised that day because I never became one of those students who got called to the teacher's room. And that time, in only a few minutes, I had to make up my mind on everything. I just said 'yes' with tears welling up in my eyes and a grey big cloud in my head. It was so frustrating.

When I got home, I was bombarded by questions from my parents. They asked me if I want it or not, and yeah, they gave me a pep talk about that stuff. They told me to make sure that I make a right decision for myself. Hah. My life couldn't be any worse than this -____-"

OKAY. So let's just stop this. I just gotta have this thing out of my head sooner so yeah I decided to just write here. Besides, I'm just so in the mood to write :) By the way, wish me luck for my exam, test, quiz, and everything related to school :p lol. Soooooo see ya!

Love,

Lela.